Lessons in Conscious Blending

In today´s episode of the ‘Nuclear Families Evangelist’ (A podcast that debunks the mythologies and biology by exploring the dynamics and relationships in blended families), host Traci Dority-Shanklin (Managing Partner at Sisu Partners) talks with guest Marni Rosenthal-Chaikin, An Entrepreneur in Health and Wellness industry (Pure Barre Studio Owner). Marni shares her professional journey as well as her thoughts about blending families with her fiancé.

Three Key Points

1.     Marni mentions that she is so grateful that she didn't have her children at that particular juncture when her Pure Barre Studio brand was initiated. She also thinks that more than anything it was about being able to multitask at any given moment as there are multiple things going right and wrong and being able to navigate through both the exhilarating aspect and the chaos of it all and keeping your cool was something she learned along the way. She realized that her entrepreneurial family background helped her pull the venture.

2.     Marni started dancing very early on and eventually started to train to become a professional dancer in high school. She danced competitively in middle school and then wanted to up her game and joined a semi-professional institution. She was fortunate enough to go into some very wonderful summer programs where she could undergrad with a scholarship to NYU to the School of the Arts. She ended up doing two semesters there before she had a little accident so it became difficult to carry on with the training, and later she ended up transferring to another school. She continued to dance there, but not in the same way that she had planned. 

3.     Marni and her fiancé had both been through similar situations, and they found that not only did they fall in love, but there were all of these other commonalities. They had been raised with similar values and viewpoints, and both had a very strong work ethic. But they didn't even talk about moving in together or doing anything to blend their families for at least two years. Because Marni thinks they wanted to make sure that it was the right thing for everybody. But as things unfold, sometimes you recognize things about somebody that you don't necessarily like or you don't necessarily want to bring around your children and she thinks they both kept waiting for the other shoe to drop but it never did. However, they did end up getting engaged and moved in together this past November.

Contact:
Traci Dority-Shanklin: LinkedIn Twitter Facebook
traci@sisupartnersllc.com
website: www.nuclear-families.com

Transcript

NF Narrator  00:01

Welcome to the Nuclear Families Evangelist, a podcast that debunks the mythologies of biology by exploring the unique dynamics and relationships of blended families. It's time to unlock the hidden superpower of being blended. So here's your host, Traci Dority-Shanklin.

Traci Shanklin  00:20

My first guest on the Nuclear Families Evangelists is Marni Rosenthal shaken. Marni grew up in Philadelphia where she spent most of her time training to be a professional dancer. After two semesters at the Tisch School of Arts as a dance major at New York University, Marni shifted to attend the Gallatin School at NYU, where she focused on journalism and Latin American Studies. After graduation, Marnie headed to Los Angeles, in Los Angeles, she opened the first Pure Barre location in 2009. She expanded Pure Barre throughout LA where I met her. Marni sold off her ownership four years ago and joined the pharmaceutical industry. She is busy raising her two young daughters and is excited to marry her fiancé Josh and become a stepmom to two boys. Currently, Marnie is working on her master's in executive coaching and organizational Consulting at NYU. She is also a community creator, and a self-described hardcore Mommy, I am delighted to welcome my friend, Marnie Rosenthal Chaikin it's so nice to have you here.

Marni Rosenthal-Chaikin  01:33

It's nice to be here. Thank you, Tracy.

Traci Shanklin  01:36

When we first met, we both were Pure Barre studio owners. For those of you who are listening who may be asking what the heck is Pure Barre. It is a group fitness that combines the tiny movements of Pilates and yoga and uses a ballet Barre. Plus, they sell super fun, fashionable athleisure wear workout wear like Lululemon beyond yoga and aloe. I opened my first studio in Roanoke, Virginia, and then opened a second one in California, which is where I met you. And you owned a couple studios in California. How many did you Oh,

Marni Rosenthal-Chaikin  02:15

I opened the first one in California in LA, I should say, in the LA market in 2009. And then I proceeded to open two more with a business partner one out in the San Fernando Valley in Woodland Hills, and then that another one followed shortly thereafter, somewhat unexpectedly in Santa Monica, California. So just a little bit down the road from my Brentwood studio.

Traci Shanklin  02:38

Nobody's gonna know this on there might be some people listening that will totally be fans of yours from the Pure Barre days. So in the Pure Barre world, Marnie was a superstar and a legend she owned, I think, was it the first pure of our studio?

Marni Rosenthal-Chaikin  02:51

Well, it was the first official franchise studio, there had been a couple that had opened in the San Diego area, I think there were one or two in Michigan and one in Kentucky. But this was like the first official franchise that was following all the franchise guidelines. And I was lucky enough to work with the founder and creator of pure Dr. Carrie Reza Beck, who's now Carrie door. And I had the good fortune of having her as my mentor. In many ways, I still do. But she moved to California in the hopes of expanding the brand and really, truly launching the company. And I met her in a little circle of chairs that an entrepreneurial networking group called ladies who want and she had just moved to LA I think the night literally the night before, and was hoping to make some connections and meet some people. And I had an extensive background as a professional dancer. And I had been teaching Pilates for a long time at that point, and was looking to launch a brick and mortar situation of my own. But group fitness at that time hadn't really taken off in the way that it did starting in like 2010 2011. So it was certainly at that time, a huge leap of faith to plunk down a bunch of money in a basically an abandoned shopping center in the middle of West LA, right, I'm going to make this work. Who cares if I have to max out my credit cards and take out a line of credit, but it was also right after the crash in 2008. So it was probably riskier than I realized, but sometimes it's better that

Traci Shanklin  04:21

to not no thing endurance is bliss misstatement.

Marni Rosenthal-Chaikin  04:25

Exactly. In this case, it certainly was. But I think in my case, and I'm sure certainly in yours, I really believed in the technique I believed in the product I believed in carry certainly and and I really believed in myself. I had come from a long line of entrepreneurs, and I just felt like this is something that's gonna take-off I just just have to, if you build it, they will come sort of filled of dreams

Traci Shanklin  04:47

situated and they did that that was the wonderful thing. So just for the for our audience who may or may not know about Pure Barre again. Marnie was one of the very, very first if not, I understand that you weren't First, but you were among the first studios. And that studio kicked off a entire chain of well over 500 Studios. I don't even know what the number is today. I know you've touched on it, but what was it? What was the experience? Like? You've talked about the leap of faith and what was it like being the first Pure Barre studio owner,

Marni Rosenthal-Chaikin  05:20

it was scary to say the least going into it, I don't think I had any clue what I was in for. And that was probably a blessing. But we we I hired six teachers. Yeah. And so one of those teachers get sick. It's not like Pilates or yoga, where you can maybe throw a rock and potentially hit somebody to come in and work for you on your behalf. So the first year was definitely a struggle as the brand took off. And fortunately, at that point, I didn't have my children. So I was able to fill in and be all things to all people. But I definitely feel like I some of it was instinct to be able to succeed during that time. So it was just faith. And more than anything, it was just being well willing to put in the time and being there from seven in the morning, sometimes till 10 o'clock at night was a big part of it. That's why I was grateful that I didn't have my children at that particular juncture. And then, I think, probably more than anything would be just being able to wear multiple hats. At the same time, that multitasking aspect was huge at any given moment. There's multiple things going right and going wrong, and being able to navigate and maneuver through both the exhilarating aspect of it and the chaos of it all and and keeping your cool was something I guess I learned along the way, but also watching my dad run his businesses over the years, I think I probably pulled in a lot more information than I realized, because I think I think a lot of my instincts came from having family that that sort of did those things.

Traci Shanklin  06:54

You said you came from a long line of entrepreneurs. So can you tell me what your dad did?

Marni Rosenthal-Chaikin  07:00

Oh, so my grandfather started a chain of furniture stores in Pennsylvania. He passed away very suddenly, when I was six, and my dad and one of his brothers very spontaneously took over those businesses, even though they had been working in the businesses for quite some time, I don't think that they had necessarily anticipated my grandfather's sort of untimely death. So watching him go through that process, and then seeing how things waxed and waned with recessions and whatnot, and see how he ultimately pivoted into a lot of different genres of the furniture business. When he hit a wall, he'd go another way, and then he'd hit another wall and go another way. And just watching his hard work and his resilience, I think, probably, in a lot of ways unconsciously shaped, who I became as a business owner, for sure.

Traci Shanklin  07:47

That's cool. I think it's interesting that we do, we really do become a lot of what we see, it's almost I am we'll get into, obviously, that nuclear family is part of it. But as a step parent, I know that it was a really big turning point for me when I stopped trying to be a replacement mother and started to just be a mentor. And because I had these children, that's what they needed more than they needed another parent in their life. And so I think it's, it's, I think it's an important lesson for parents to know whether it's a stepchild or a child of their own, that they are definitely being watched. And many things come through in that experience. I think you're being really humble about your peer Barre days. And I want to just say two things that I wish that were always big takeaways for me about you is one, you were an tremendous mentor to so many people. And that was so obvious by how many spin off studios came because of their time with you. And also, you brought such a wonderful sense of humor to the whole thing because it can be when you're like, like you said the only the one that everything's falling on, you had a way of just making it seem like it was all fun and games even though I know it wasn't. But I just I loved that about you.

Marni Rosenthal-Chaikin  09:14

Thank you. That means a lot to me more than I can possibly put into words. But as you were speaking, I was recalling that internal video that circulated that I created for one of the Pure Barre conferences that went over really big so I was really proud of that. That was probably like the highlight of my of my peer Barre career.

Traci Shanklin  09:29

It was so funny. It really is maybe we'll link it in the show notes so everybody can go and take a look at it because it's really funny because even if you've owned any business you'll totally relate to you'll totally relate to it. Okay. So we digressed I wanted to finish with Pure Barre but i Were you part you were tapped by the then private equity firm behind Pure Barre to join the franchisee board so that you could help them develop corporate studio Is that correct?

Marni Rosenthal-Chaikin  10:00

Yes, yes, early on, Carrie tapped a few early adopters to be part of her advisory board. And then when she divested, and we became part of that that first private equity firm, they did tap some of us that were early on, or were having some success in our markets, many of which were highly competitive markets, LA, New York, Boston, San Francisco, just so that they could, I think, get like, the full breadth of knowledge, some of which was to help the franchisees and I'm sure some of it related to them, wanting to open their own corporate studios, and they didn't have a lot of boutique fitness experience. So as you're

Traci Shanklin  10:37

off, right, and that fits very nicely into your career path. But you do your masters is interesting, because I said this to my daughter just today, I said she overheard me having a conversation about this, the podcast, and I said, you know, what's funny, is everything you do does build on itself. I started my very first career right out of college was in production, right? And I moved away from that, and I did creative side, I went into acting, and then I found my way back into politics, and then back to the Union stuffs. They all builds, and it's all very meaningful. And as you get a little age and perspective, you start to see the pieces of the puzzle fit together.

Marni Rosenthal-Chaikin  11:18

Yeah, I love that I had a coach at still do for a long time, that would tell me nothing is for naught. And when I lament about a not so great experience, go, oh, maybe I wasted my time there should go. This is not nothing. It's not.

Traci Shanklin  11:33

And that's good advice. It's not nothing. I'm gonna write that one down. Not nothing. Everything was not nothing. We can

Marni Rosenthal-Chaikin  11:41

turn it all into something. And if even if you're not utilizing it now it does come into play down the line.

Traci Shanklin  11:47

Yes, for sure. So I wanted to circle back a little bit to your dance background. I know that you had a pretty long history with dance.

Marni Rosenthal-Chaikin  11:58

Yeah, it's still like an unfinished aspect of my life. I was just at my daughter's dance competition the other day, and I found myself going, just becoming overly emotional because I miss it. And I can't seem to find adult damn true Adult Dance Classes anywhere that stick long enough. So inevitably, we have such busy as adults and as parents, especially if people drop out. And then suddenly there's no class. But yeah, I started dancing very early on and eventually started to train to become a professional dancer in high school, I danced competitively in middle school, and then really wanted to up my game and joined a semi professional institution, and they had a company and I got into that company and was fortunate enough to go to some very wonderful summer programs where I could really advance my technique. And when I was applying to colleges, I decided that was something that I really wanted to do was to dance professionally, not really knowing what that meant. And I was awarded a scholarship actually undergrad to NYU to the Tisch School of the Arts and ended up doing two semesters there before I had a I had a little accident and piled on top of that was a situation that I was dealing with my brother. And so it became almost too much to be training that hard. And I also felt like I was really missing the typical collegiate experience. Not that you can really get that at NYU, because you're immersed in this giant city, but just felt like I was within these four walls at the Tisch School of the Arts with these incredibly talented people that really wanted to be there. And I didn't feel like I really wanted to be there enough to really rationalize spending the next few years there. So I ended up transferring into the Gallatin School, which is the School Without Walls at NYU, I think that's what they still call it, and dabbling and dance on the side versus at Alvin Ailey. And then at the Martha Graham School, so I continued to dance through college, but not in the same way that I had planned. So life took a different turn. But dance is part of me, and I do it every day, even if it's just an in my mind.

Traci Shanklin  14:05

I love that. I love that I need to dance more. I used to do a lot more dance party, my kids and don't get that much anymore.

Marni Rosenthal-Chaikin  14:14

Carrie, I do a lot of cheap cat videos. My older daughter.

Traci Shanklin  14:17

I've seen a few of them and they're great. They're absolutely great. So when I was launching this podcast, you were one of the first people who came to my mind that I really want it to be a guest. I want my podcast to be a network of women who support other women and this is something that you do so naturally. And I also want to really highlight women who have found themselves in non traditional families either through remarriage or divorce. Not only are you such an accomplished professional and career woman that I admire, but you have weathered some bumpy years through your divorce, a career change and navigate Hitting single parenthood with what appears to be such grace. And now you're adding to your role as a single mom the role of a stepmom, you currently have a fiancé and he also has children from another marriage. So what was the experience of going from single divorced mom to thinking about blending a family with your fiancé? I know it's not all smooth sailing, Sunshine unicorns that that stuff. But what can you give us a sense of how that transition has played out for you?

Marni Rosenthal-Chaikin  15:34

Well, I'll start out by saying that when I did decide to leave what felt like a very unhappy, unhealthy situation for me and my marriage, that I really told myself that it would be unlikely that I would ever get married. Again. That's really where I was. And I think I think a lot of people get to that point where it things are so difficult that you say to yourself, even if I never meet anyone, again, I'm good. And that was the key indicator for me that it was time to leave, I was willing to risk be alone forever, that was worth it to me. And also, walking away with a two year old and a six year old at the time, took just about every ounce of energy and effort that I had. But it was necessary. And it was certainly the right thing. But I also certainly wasn't anticipating meeting anyone or I couldn't see that far into the future. I was like, just survive, survive, survive, survive. So I did that pretty well. And my kids, I feel like thrived. Of course, everybody hurts when you're pulling apart a marriage, whether you're doing the leaving or whether you're being laughed, or whether it's a mutual decision. It's the death of something. And it takes a long time to heal from that. But it certainly feels worth it as I look back for five years away from that particular juncture of my life. But so my fiancé and I, we actually knew each other in high school back in Pennsylvania. We now live in California, and we just randomly ran into each other at our synagogue, just quite literally randomly. i He's not on social media. I had not seen him at 25 years. I didn't even recognize him when he called out and said hi Marnie. Looking at him going, I don't know who you are a totally I'm contacts right. 25 years later, haven't seen you haven't talked to you.

Traci Shanklin  17:23

I need to interrupt. Just tell our audience that you guys went to prom together? Yeah. I think that we went a great love story, right.

Marni Rosenthal-Chaikin  17:32

And that was that we never dated probably only exchanged a few words that prom, although neither of us can remember because it was so long ago. But he had been married and had two sons, I had been married and had two daughters. And I was certainly open to meeting somebody. I think most people are after a certain amount of time has passed. But at that point, I just wanted to know, I knew that if I was ever going to introduce anybody to my daughters, it was going to be somebody that I got to know really well and that I trusted. And I had written down a few things that I was really, truly looking for in a partner. And one of those things was how do they parent? What kind of a partner? Do they want to be? What kind of partner were they in their previous marriage? And what did they learn? Did they really grow and become a different kind of person, somebody that they can look in the mirror and really be proud of? We could both been through similar situations for sure. And we found that not only did we fall in love, but there was all of these other commonalities. We had been raised with similar values and similar viewpoints. And both had very strong work ethic. So there was a lot of synchronicity. But we didn't even talk about moving in together or doing anything to really blend our families for at least two years. Because I think we just wanted to make sure that it was the right thing, which we felt early on that was but of course, everybody has the best intentions early on. But as things unfold, sometimes you recognize things about somebody that you don't necessarily like or you don't necessarily want to bring around your children. And I think we both kept waiting for the other shoe to drop, but it never did. We got to a place where we're like, okay, everybody's good. We've had endless conversations. We did a lot of weekend excursions with our kids to make sure that they really got to know each other. And we noticed a lot of I don't want to say chemistry, that's probably the wrong word, but camaraderie with it with our kids, and had a lot of deep conversations with each other and with them before took the plunge. We wanted to make sure everybody was comfortable and excited. And we did end up getting engaged and we moved in together this past November and the mornings are crazy. There's no no question about that. By the time 738 o'clock rolls around, I feel like I've lived an entire day and it's only 8am but maneuvering through all that and looking past all that I feel like it's been a really nice relatively seamless transition and the kids are happy and of course they still see their respective parents and everything and Overall, it's relatively harmonious so far, that's not to say don't anticipate, some bumps in the road are

Traci Shanklin  20:06

inevitable. Of course,

Marni Rosenthal-Chaikin  20:08

we have a 14 year old, an 11 year old, an 11 year old and a seven year old. So those teen years are here and or coming around with them, and I can see them. But I think we have good amount of just solid support with one another. And I absolutely adore his boys and he truly cherishes my daughters. And there's just a really nice chemistry.

Traci Shanklin  20:30

So good. So what conversations have you had about blending, you said, You guys had lots of conversations. So I'd be curious if there's anything you feel comfortable sharing, of course, but I love that you that you mindfully or intentionally had those conversations. And I'd love to hear how those went and what they look like.

Marni Rosenthal-Chaikin  20:52

I think we talked a lot about disciplining and how I would be just flooding my kids and he would be disciplining his kid. And that there would really be a disciplinarian coming from the other parent unless somebody was in danger. We don't want to turn the other individual into an enemy. So unless there's some kind of like a really like, strong vibe that, that somebody's like about to harm themselves or hurt somebody else, that we leave the parenting up to the respective parent, I think we definitely felt like we wanted each child to make sure that they had their own space, even if it was a shared room or something that they had like a special spot in the house that could be theirs, that they could retreat to, so that they weren't all kind of living on top of each other. And I know that isn't always sometimes a possibility. Especially my older daughter was extremely concerned with having her privacy. And privacy is obviously especially for girls and boys who are about to go through puberty and all those things, it's a really important thing, that they feel secure, that they have their own space, and that they feel safe and that their spaces are respected. So we did sit everybody down before moving in and saying these are the house rules. And everybody has to follow these rules. And everybody has these chores to do. And if they're citing you come to us and say hey, listen, this is what we're disagreeing on, so that we can mediate, so that things don't fester, those were the main things was just, I think really making sure that they felt that they all felt comfortable. Because you never want to feel like you're throwing your kids into a situation that they don't feel like they have any say in the matter on.

Traci Shanklin  22:35

And I think that's the key point is I think that back in my time parents didn't, they didn't explain anything. It was that was adult stuff. And as a child, you just are like, left with the goal where you're told, you get what you get. And I'm sure that there would be people out there that might argue this point with me. But I really do think that's a really, that intentionality. And including them is such an important piece. And it's not so much that you don't get to enforce rules as much as it is if they it's always the child that's on the other side of the step, at least in my opinion. So it's the stepfather dealing with the your girls or you dealing with his boys. That is the really the challenging part of it. And I think that the idea that you guys had a conversation in which they maybe they didn't get to voice their opinion on it so much as they but they were still inclusive in it, it was about all of you together, and that the rules aren't different in one aspect than they are for the other side. So I think that's really important.

Marni Rosenthal-Chaikin  23:43

Yeah. And to your point, like we were speaking about earlier with just how much they're absorbing from watching their parents, I think, above all, he and I have such a mutual respect. And we have such open lines of communication. So I think that they see how we interact and how we communicate, and how we operate. We're operating a household that the kids follow suit, and they have great communication as a result of how we're consistently interacting well and positively with each other. So that obviously also helps they're not living in the middle of tumult. Right.

Traci Shanklin  24:22

We're going to take a pause in my conversation with Marnie since we're running a little low on time, entrepreneur, business development manager and Master's candidate Marni Rosenthal chicken will return in the next episode, she'll be sharing her thoughts about co parenting with the ex. And I'll be revealing a surprising statistic about divorce. You won't want to miss it. See you on the next Nuclear Families Evangelist where we debunk the mythologies of biology with a lot of love, forgiveness and humor, one conversation at a time.

NF Narrator  24:54

If you're a seeker looking for answers, we'd love to have you join our blended little family by subscribing to the podcast on your favorite podcast player. Want to continue the conversation after the podcast? Join our email list by visiting our website at nuclear dash families.com. We'll see you next time on the Nuclear Families Evangelist.

Traci Shanklin  25:17

Sisu Partners LLC hosts the Nuclear Families Evangelist podcast which contains content discussions that have been prepared for informational, educational and entertainment purposes only. No listeners should assume that any discussion on this podcast serves as the recipe of or substitute for personalized advice from an investment professional or licensed medical professional. As the information provided on this podcast is not intended to be investment, legal tax or medical advice. The company is not an SEC registered investment advisor and does not solicit clients or raise capital for money managers. Susu partners offer securities through equity capital partners, LLC